The Perfect Imperfection
by xSummonerYunax
Summary: [oneshot][CloudxTifa] Sometimes it's hard to love everything else around you when you can't love yourself...


The Perfect Imperfection

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Despite the fact that there could be no tomorrow, the stars were still kind enough to bless its inhabitants with the most beautiful sunset they had ever witnessed. The vermilion sky appeared to be bathed in deep flames as bright orange rays snaked through the most obscured corners, banishing the darkness and giving light to the people who had been living in black shadows for the past couple of days due to Meteor looming over the Planet. Did the heavens pity the denizens, knowing that they could all perish tomorrow? Was this their final gift to the world? A breathtaking view of the sun before it sets, bringing down all light and hope with it as it submerges beneath the horizon?

It was hard to imagine something so precious could still exist in a world that was filled with hatred, greed, and destruction. But perhaps it was always there, just ignored. No one really appreciated the sun until the possibility of forever living in night became apparent.

For Cloud, it didn't really matter. He was used to living in darkness, living a lie that was blinded from the truth. But, he was fortunate enough to be given a second chance. A second chance to live HIS life even though that opportunity could easily be robbed from him tomorrow. However, it was easier said than done. How does one go back to being himself when he carried on another persona for most of his life? There was a part of him that hesitated to live as 'Cloud' again. Although not as strong as before, Zack's memories still rested in him. They just couldn't fade away for Zack was someone who was worthy, respected, and admired. He had all the qualities that Cloud could only dream of.

"Cloud...? Do you think the stars can hear us? Do you think they see how  
hard we're fighting for them?" Tifa's question momentarily interrupted his thoughts.

No, he didn't forget she was there. In fact, her presence was the main reason why he always doubted himself. Even though they were no longer children anymore, he still felt like he had to live up to her expectations. Maybe that way he could finally be accepted.

"I dunno... But... Whether they are or not, we still have to do what we  
can. And believe in ourselves... Someday we'll find the answer. Right, Tifa?  
That's what I learned from you when I was in the Lifestream."

Honestly, he couldn't think of anything else to say. How could he tell her to believe in herself when he couldn't do the same? He would always be grateful that Tifa pieced back his memories in the Lifestream...but those memories only angered him even though he would never let Tifa know. She risked her life to save him. How could he possibly tell her that reflecting on his memories brought him pain and sorrow that words fail to describe?

"Yeah... that's right..." Her words could barely be heard through the rustling wind. She focused her gaze on the vast fields in front of her, but not really fixing on anything in particular.

Tall grass waved from side to side. It was slow at first, but then the wind increased, forcing the green blades to collide with each other. To the normal eyes, the sight was just something ordinary caused by nature. To Tifa, it was like seeing the Lifestream all over again and being engulfed by the thick Mako substance. The Lifestream was easily the scariest journey she endured, but she would go through the hell again in a heartbeat if it were to save Cloud.

She could still feel the cold fear that made her body limp and weak when the possibility of losing Cloud became all too clear in the Lifestream. She didn't want to think about that. Everything she did for him could be for nothing if Sephiroth prevailed.

"Hey Tifa... I... There are a lot of things I wanted to talk to you  
about. But now that we're together like this, I don't know what I really wanted  
to say... I guess nothing's changed at all... Kind of makes you want to laugh..."

Inside, she was already laughing bitterly. It was a laughter that was caught between joy and sadness when one couldn't feel anything in between the two extremes. Yes, she was caught in that phase and surprisingly, it was very tranquil. She had suffered so much grief in her life that it felt like her mind has developed immunity to misery. As for happiness...well, she never experienced enough of that emotion to know what it was like when it was taken away. Maybe it was better this way. Caught in the void gave her the ability to think things clearly without interference from both ends of the medium.

Closing her eyes, she tried to bring herself back to the present state, away from all terrible memories of the Lifestream. "Cloud... Words aren't the only thing that tell people what you're thinking..."

And that was true.

She believed that conveying thoughts through words was one of the hardest things to do. Lies can easily be channeled through words, but it's much more difficult to conduct through actions.

Cloud remained silent; nothing needed to be said. The silence offered them both solace and maybe, just maybe they could learn to feel rather than to speak. He walked over to a large boulder and seated himself to the best comfort the empty field had to present. He knew they were in a secluded area free from danger, but the tiny chivalrous sensation in him urged him to keep a keen eye on her even though the span between them was only a few feet apart.

Even as a child he wanted to be the knight that protected the princess, but he was nothing but a squire that could only watch her from afar as the other valiant young boys tended her to. He was nothing but a mere useless pawn in the cruel game of courtly love. More than seven years had gone by and here he was...still looking at her at a distance without the courage to do more.

_I guess nothing has changed at all... _

Moments later, the warmth on Cloud's back slowly dissolved as the sun prepared to make its final appearance before letting its successor rise. The rays were retracted and all the heat and light were absorbed back to the celestial body, leaving patches of darkness in all areas exposed to the heavens. Most people were sorry to see the sun go, but Cloud was one to welcome the evening. He felt safer and secured...he felt like he belonged in the dark. The night was a manifestation of the ugly combination of envy, anger, and despair that brewed in him, plaguing him like an illness he can't die from and can't live without.

If the Planet were to be destroyed tomorrow, then all his torments would too. He would no longer have to face his past that had been etched into the deepest lair of his mind. He would no longer have to face his biggest fear of failing the people he cared for. If he were to die tomorrow, he would be given the salvation he didn't deserve. Sometimes he wondered if living was such a horrible thing. Most days did feel like hell, but there was always one person, one angel that saved him from succumbing to the abyss of his worst nightmares.

He didn't realize it before, but Tifa Lockheart had saved him more times he had saved himself. He was the epitome of foolishness--another reason why he didn't deserve to be accepted or loved by anyone.

From the corner of her eyes, Tifa spotted Cloud burying his face into his hands. After observing him for so many years, she learned this was something he did when he felt lost or confused. Her heart throbbed with pain every time she saw him in that state because she knew she was partially responsible for his distress. She made him feel abandoned as a child and hid his past from him in an effort to protect him. Tifa would never intentionally hurt him, but with a twist of cruel fate accompanied by her secrets, Cloud was the one who paid the price for her cowardice. If given the chance, she would gladly take his place and suffer for him.

He only looked up when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He smiled weakly and shifted over to make room for another person on the boulder. Although the smile was small and brief, Tifa managed to catch it even in the dark. He looked back down at the ground and for a while, Tifa couldn't make out much of his features except for the silhouette of his side profile. His long spikes were a mess after fighting through so many battles, but the way they cascaded over his face, highlighting his chiseled jaw line, made him appear even more handsome. As she ran her hand down one of his muscular arms, she could feel the marred skin layered with several scars. Most of the ones he received from battles were healing, but the other ones would remain there forever, serving as a permanent reminder of who he really was. The indelible scars were obtained when he was used for Hojo's sick experiments. The injection of Jenova cells and Mako caused the surface of his skin to slightly rupture, eternally branding him as an 'experiment' of ShinRa.

Her touch felt so nice against his skin. It soothed him in a way that no potions could even come close to rival the healing effect. He watched her move her hand up and down his arm, almost as if she was a bit too interested with his blemishes. Finally, she rested her hand on top of his and wrapped her slender fingers around his knuckles. He craned his neck, using his Mako infused eyes to tell her that her presence was most appreciated.

Tifa bit back a gasp as she found herself lost within his deep blue pools. In the dark, they appeared to glow as if they had a life of its own. The vibrant sapphires were completely unnatural, mysterious, and... extremely beautiful. In the deepest depths, all his emotions could be seen swimming, looking for a way out, but never finding one unless they were released as tears.

But she knew Cloud wasn't the type to cry. He was the loner who refused to share his thoughts with anyone, only allowing his feelings to bottle up inside of him. She often wondered how much more he could take before the floodgates snap and his deluge of sensations relentlessly poured out.

When he noticed that she was staring at him, particularly his eyes, he quickly blinked and looked away. Snapping out of her trance, Tifa felt extremely embarrassed that he caught her staring at him.

"I'm sorry..." she apologized. She also looked away, pulling her hand away from him in the process as well.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he quickly replied. His head was still turned in the opposite direction with his back facing her. "It's just that...I feel uncomfortable when people look at me, especially my eyes."

"Why...?"

She knew why...but she wanted to hear it from him. She was prying, but sometimes reprieve could be granted once all the troubles were out in the open and all the suffering could end. This could be their last night together and if they were to die tomorrow, she wanted him to die without carrying a heavy burden.

He never spoke to anyone about these personal matters, but maybe it was time to confide in the one person who could truly understand him, the one person who was with him when all the events of that dreadful night occurred. His eyes and body already reflected the physical damages that were done to him, and maybe it was now time for the mental devastation to be revealed as well. If he were around other people right now, he wouldn't even dare speak a trace of his past.

But, he wasn't with them now...and he wasn't alone either. He had her and that was all he needed.

"My eyes..." he started, unsure of weather to continue or not. Only when Tifa gently squeezed his hand in reassurance did he find the spirit to proceed. "I hate them. I think they're hideous and creepy...and they're also a constant reminder that I'm nothing but a failed experiment of ShinRa. I'm nothing but a puppet that Sephiroth manipulates...I'm just so...so...sick of being...me."

He knew his next lines were going to sound incredibly lame and childish, but Zack still lived on his heart and psyche. "Why can't I be more like Zack? He had the charisma, the strength, the charms...he had everything. He was perfect...and I'm just so...Ugh!" He couldn't continue anymore. All his memories and failures bombarding his head right now were just too much to handle. He retreated back to his usual seclusion, holding his head with both hands as if it was just too painful to even recall.

Tifa lightly wrapped her arms around him, embracing him so he could feel that he was not alone in this. She smoothed out the blonde spikes that was layering over his forehead so she could see the eyes that caused him so much agony. How could he even consider them as 'monstrous and creepy' when they were anything but those two ridiculous adjectives he used. True, they weren't normal eyes, but the Mako merely darkened the color by a few shades. They were easily just as stunning as before he was infused.

Bringing her hands to his, she tenderly pushed them away from his face. Resting a palm on one of his cheeks, she tilted his head until his gaze met her and only her. Trying to avoid the azure aura was difficult, but she managed to do so to comply with his request. "Cloud...no one is perfect. Please don't feel like you need to compare yourself to others. Don't carry on someone else's identity. I like you just the way YOU are."

Those words should've made him feel better, but they didn't. The one person that he worked so hard to prove himself worthy to finally accepted him, and yet, he still couldn't accept himself. Why?

"Tifa, why can't I accept myself for who I am?"

"You can...and you will. It'll take time though. You spent almost your entire life...despising yourself...it'll definitely take time to learn to love yourself for who you are." Her heart panged with guilt again when she was reminded that she was also responsible for hurting him. If only she could go back in time and change her actions. Everything would've been so different. If only she encouraged him to stay in Nibelheim with her instead of joining SOLDIERS.

"What's wrong?" He could feel her mind wandering to another place and time that couldn't physically be reached. When she didn't say anything at first, he curled one arm around her waist, drawing her closer against him. In one night, he learned that obstacles were so much easier to overcome when one did not have to face them alone.

Feeling his arm around her made her smile...and this was one of the few times she smiled naturally without force or as an act of courtesy. "Cloud...I still blame myself for what happened to you. If only I could've stopped you from going to Midgar and made you feel wanted..."

"No...my mind was made up. There was nothing you could've done to stop me and I don't blame you at all for what happened. You had nothing to do with my foolishness. I wanted to join and get strong so I could..."

He trailed off on the last statement and that was perfectly fine to Tifa. She knew what he was going to say anyway. She saw it all in the Lifestream...she saw all his feelings for her as a child, and now she could only hope that those feelings were still burning somewhere inside his heart. Tifa had to quickly blink a couple of times to fight back the tears that were stinging her eyes. She pressed her lips together hard, forcing herself to choke on the sob that was dangerously close to escaping.

"Cloud, I know...you don't have to say it." When she thought she could handle the situation with aplomb, she continued, "If you want to be strong, please respect and love yourself even after all the tortures you went through. You and Sephiroth share a similar fate, but you don't have to turn out like him. You're stronger than him, YOU'RE fighting to keep your sanity."

Was he really? Did she really see him as a human with no strings attached? Did she really see him as someone who was in control of his life and not controlled?

He gave her his shoulder to rest on when exhaustion was evident on her face. No, she wasn't physically tired, but the overwhelming emotions could be seen draining her. His fingers idly played with her silky loose strands as they billowed in the wind. He had to remind himself that she was real, that she was right next to him. If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up because his reality would be a nightmare without her. She had done so much for him...because she believed in him when he didn't believe in himself.

But was time on their side? Like she said before, it was going to take time for him to respect himself for who he was. If the Planet were to die tomorrow...then nothing would be accomplished.

"Tifa...I want...I want to be me...but if tomorrow..." God, why was it so hard to phrase his thoughts.

"Then I can rest happy knowing that you finally see yourself as Cloud Strife again. I can rest happy knowing I died fighting next to my real childhood friend, my best friend...my..." She managed to stop herself before letting that ONE word slip. The moment was too perfect and she didn't want to risk anything destroying what she had right now. Instead, she completed her sentence saying, "...the most important person in my life..."

He brushed his lips over her smooth forehead and softly kissed it. It was the gentlest sensation Tifa had ever perceived. Even though she barely felt his lips, she did manage to feel his surge of affection that trickled into her heart at that point. When words failed to portray the heart's passion, only actions could finish the communication.

"Really...? I shouldn't be the most important person in your life...I'm not worthy...I'm not--"

"Cloud!" she sternly stopped him. "I thought we went over this before. I...just found the real you...after seven years. Please don't go away again. I love you the way you are...you're my perfect imperfection..."

He detected the fear in her voice as she hastily grabbed his arms with both her hands, her nails almost digging into his flesh. She clinged on to him like a desperate child who was not ready to be separated from her family yet. Could he possibly offer this much comfort to anyone?

"Please...I'm begging you. I...I've tried so hard to find you, to bring you back..."

He never did fulfill the promise he made to her that night in Nibelheim. She was always saving HIM, and now it was his turn to return the favor. Accepting and loving a pathetic failure was going to be a difficult thing, but he would do it for her. He would do anything for her.

"Don't worry...I'm not going anywhere..." he whispered into her ear while stroking her back until she was calm enough to loosen her grip on him.

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Tifa fell asleep shortly after his last words, but Cloud remained awake the entire night. He did slightly doze off for a few minutes, but his mind was too preoccupied to concentrate only on resting.

A part of him wanted to remain awake forever to counter all the years he lost with Tifa. For the past few months he had been living someone else's legacy that should've only remained dormant as a memory. Now that he finally found himself again, it could be too late to start his own story. Would his whole life story contain just a few chapters of his childhood and his end with only empty pages in between?

No, if his life were to end today, he was going to make sure it ended with a memorable finale. If Tifa considered him the most important person in her life, he was going to earn that honor. He would fight with his last dying breath and surrender only if Death claimed him first. Only under those conditions would he even _consider _deserving her love.

For the first time, Cloud smiled when the signs of sunrise approached. The light was going to bring them a new morning, a new day, and a new hope.

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Author's Notes: Thanks so much for reading again and please leave a comment for me. )

I originally planned to write this fanfic in a different setting (probably after the game), but then I remembered **Kiome-Yasha **asking if I could write a fic with the Highwind scene so I decided to weave all my final ideas together with it. Thanks for giving me the suggestion. This was another enjoyable fic to write mainly because it revolved around my favorite couple.

By the way guys, it's 8/19! Cloud's birthday!


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